Friendship with your American Host
One of the best parts of traveling to a foreign country is meeting new people and sharing in their culture. That is why International Students Inc. created the Friendship Partner program and offer services like temporary home stay with an American host. We wish to introduce international students with Americans and encourage friendships to form. Your relationship with your American Host or Friendship Partner will most likely begin with the host providing practical assistance, such as helping you go to a grocery store for food, open a bank account, or help you practice speaking English. The volunteers at ISI Albuquerque are always eager to help. The following is some general information about the American culture and what to expect while interacting with your American host or Friendship Partner. This information was gathered and published by the Association of International Educators in their pamphlet "Friendship with your American Host: A Guide for Foreign Students at U.S. Colleges and Universities".
"Americans are usually very friendly and appear to be very open when you meet them; they readily welcome and are willing to help newcomers. It takes a long time, however, for 'friendship' (close relationships between people) to develop. In the United States, people enjoy doing things together and exchanging ideas which can lead to friendship. However, 'friends' may not become deeply involved in each other's personal affairs or even spend a great deal of time together.
Americans often talk about their children and family activities, for example, but they are reluctant to discuss family problems or why they do not have children, if they have none. Americans are also reserved about discussing financial matters and will often avoid answering questions about their income or the cost of their possessions. Generally, Americans are interested in discussions about politics, religion, local and international events, and hobbies. They are curious about how people live in other parts of the world and are willing to talk about their own way of life. You do not have to discuss any subject that is difficult for you, but when friends exchange views with honesty and mutual respect, they gain new insights and understanding.
Americans often indicate their interest in others by asking questions. Their questions to you indicate an eagerness to learn about your country and culture. Even the most basic of information is of interest to them. You can:
Invitations
Americans make statements such as 'You must come see us' or 'See you later'. This kind of friendly statement is not necessarily an invitation. An invitation specifies a time, date and place. It is polite to respond to invitations with either a 'yes' or 'no'. A 'yes' answer requires you to attend unless you call or cancel. You can always decline an invitation from your hosts; it is polite to say 'no'. If you find you must cancel a meeting or social angagement, inform your host as early as possible. It is considered impolite to accept an invitation and not go.
Time
Americans tend to place more emphasis on punctuality than do people in many other places. You are expected to be ready at the time agreed upon if someone is picking you up at your residence. When invited to someone's home, you are expected to arrive within five or ten minutes after the scheduled time, but never before that time. When you plan to meet someone at a restaurant, theater, or some other place where reservations have been made, it is very important to arrive at the agreed time. Many Americans feel that arriving late for social events or appointments indicates a lack of respect for the person who is kept waiting.
Dress
Everyday dress is appropriate for most visits to peoples' homes. You may want to dress more formally when attending a holiday dinner or cultural event, such as a symphony concert or theater performance, if you are uncertain about what to wear, ask your host.
Introduction and Greeting
It is proper to shake hands with everyone to whom you are introduced, both men and women. An appropriate response to an introduction is 'I am happy to meet you.' If you want to introduce yourself to someone, extend your hand for a handshake and say 'Hello, I am...' Some Americans greet each other with a hug, if they are well acquainted. If you do not wish to be hugged, extend your hand quickly for a handshake.
Dining
When you accept a dinner invitation, tell your host if you have any dietary restrictions. He or she will want to plan a meal that you can enjoy.
Cocktails or other beverages may be served before dinner. It is not necessary to accept an alchoholic drink if you do not want one. You can always ask for fruit juice or a soft drink.
The evening meal is the main meal of the day in most parts of the United States. This is a time for family members, including children, to be together and talk about topics of interest. Guests are encouraged to join these conversations.
Food may be served in one of several ways: 'family style', by passing the serving plates from one to another around the dining table; 'buffet style', with guests serving themselves at a buffet; and 'serving style', with the host filling each plate and passing it to each person. Guests usually wait till everyone at the table has been served before they begin to eat. Hands may be used to eat foods such as hamburgers, raw fruit, fried chicken, and sandwiches.
It is all right to say 'No, thank you' when you are offered a second serving of food. Accept more food if you want it, however, as the offer might not be repeated. Most Americans think it is impolite to insist that people have more food after they have refused a second serving. Eating all of the food on your plate indicates that you have enjoyed the meal; it does not indicate that more food should be served.
Thank You
It is not necessary to bring a gift when you are invited to dinner. However, you may wish to present a small, inexpensive gift to your hosts on special occasions or when staying overnight in their home. (A small item you brought from home can be a pleasant surprise to hosts.) At the conclusion of a visit, thank the host and hostess for their hospitality. A written thank you note sent a few days after your visit is always appreciated.
Goodbye
Dinner guests usually stay for an hour or two of conversation or other activity after the meal is finished. If your host is driving you home, he or she may suggest a time for leaving. In larger groups, it is not necessary to say goodbye to everyone before leaving.
Smoking
Ask your host's permission before smoking. If your host does not want you to smoke in the house, you may excuse yourself for a few minutes to go outside to smoke.
Pets
Many Americans have pets, especially dogs and cats that are often allowed in every room in their homes. If the presence of pets makes you uncomfortable, discuss the situation with your host.
Telephone Etiquette
Ask permission before using your host's telephone to make a call. Home hospitality does not include using the host's telephone for long distance calls. If you must make a long distance call, ask the operator to call you back with the charges, so that you can pay immediately. You can also reverse the charges or use your telephone credit card.
Helping with Household Tasks
In most families, men, women, and children share household duties. Many married women work outside the home and Americans rarely employ servants. You may want to assist with the household tasks when you are present in a home, especially for an overnight or weekend visit."
"Americans are usually very friendly and appear to be very open when you meet them; they readily welcome and are willing to help newcomers. It takes a long time, however, for 'friendship' (close relationships between people) to develop. In the United States, people enjoy doing things together and exchanging ideas which can lead to friendship. However, 'friends' may not become deeply involved in each other's personal affairs or even spend a great deal of time together.
Americans often talk about their children and family activities, for example, but they are reluctant to discuss family problems or why they do not have children, if they have none. Americans are also reserved about discussing financial matters and will often avoid answering questions about their income or the cost of their possessions. Generally, Americans are interested in discussions about politics, religion, local and international events, and hobbies. They are curious about how people live in other parts of the world and are willing to talk about their own way of life. You do not have to discuss any subject that is difficult for you, but when friends exchange views with honesty and mutual respect, they gain new insights and understanding.
Americans often indicate their interest in others by asking questions. Their questions to you indicate an eagerness to learn about your country and culture. Even the most basic of information is of interest to them. You can:
- Share photographs and slides from home
- Share a book from your country
- Explain your national holidays
- Give your hosts maps or postcards from your country
- Discuss events that are happening in your country
- Introduce your host to friends from your country
Invitations
Americans make statements such as 'You must come see us' or 'See you later'. This kind of friendly statement is not necessarily an invitation. An invitation specifies a time, date and place. It is polite to respond to invitations with either a 'yes' or 'no'. A 'yes' answer requires you to attend unless you call or cancel. You can always decline an invitation from your hosts; it is polite to say 'no'. If you find you must cancel a meeting or social angagement, inform your host as early as possible. It is considered impolite to accept an invitation and not go.
Time
Americans tend to place more emphasis on punctuality than do people in many other places. You are expected to be ready at the time agreed upon if someone is picking you up at your residence. When invited to someone's home, you are expected to arrive within five or ten minutes after the scheduled time, but never before that time. When you plan to meet someone at a restaurant, theater, or some other place where reservations have been made, it is very important to arrive at the agreed time. Many Americans feel that arriving late for social events or appointments indicates a lack of respect for the person who is kept waiting.
Dress
Everyday dress is appropriate for most visits to peoples' homes. You may want to dress more formally when attending a holiday dinner or cultural event, such as a symphony concert or theater performance, if you are uncertain about what to wear, ask your host.
Introduction and Greeting
It is proper to shake hands with everyone to whom you are introduced, both men and women. An appropriate response to an introduction is 'I am happy to meet you.' If you want to introduce yourself to someone, extend your hand for a handshake and say 'Hello, I am...' Some Americans greet each other with a hug, if they are well acquainted. If you do not wish to be hugged, extend your hand quickly for a handshake.
Dining
When you accept a dinner invitation, tell your host if you have any dietary restrictions. He or she will want to plan a meal that you can enjoy.
Cocktails or other beverages may be served before dinner. It is not necessary to accept an alchoholic drink if you do not want one. You can always ask for fruit juice or a soft drink.
The evening meal is the main meal of the day in most parts of the United States. This is a time for family members, including children, to be together and talk about topics of interest. Guests are encouraged to join these conversations.
Food may be served in one of several ways: 'family style', by passing the serving plates from one to another around the dining table; 'buffet style', with guests serving themselves at a buffet; and 'serving style', with the host filling each plate and passing it to each person. Guests usually wait till everyone at the table has been served before they begin to eat. Hands may be used to eat foods such as hamburgers, raw fruit, fried chicken, and sandwiches.
It is all right to say 'No, thank you' when you are offered a second serving of food. Accept more food if you want it, however, as the offer might not be repeated. Most Americans think it is impolite to insist that people have more food after they have refused a second serving. Eating all of the food on your plate indicates that you have enjoyed the meal; it does not indicate that more food should be served.
Thank You
It is not necessary to bring a gift when you are invited to dinner. However, you may wish to present a small, inexpensive gift to your hosts on special occasions or when staying overnight in their home. (A small item you brought from home can be a pleasant surprise to hosts.) At the conclusion of a visit, thank the host and hostess for their hospitality. A written thank you note sent a few days after your visit is always appreciated.
Goodbye
Dinner guests usually stay for an hour or two of conversation or other activity after the meal is finished. If your host is driving you home, he or she may suggest a time for leaving. In larger groups, it is not necessary to say goodbye to everyone before leaving.
Smoking
Ask your host's permission before smoking. If your host does not want you to smoke in the house, you may excuse yourself for a few minutes to go outside to smoke.
Pets
Many Americans have pets, especially dogs and cats that are often allowed in every room in their homes. If the presence of pets makes you uncomfortable, discuss the situation with your host.
Telephone Etiquette
Ask permission before using your host's telephone to make a call. Home hospitality does not include using the host's telephone for long distance calls. If you must make a long distance call, ask the operator to call you back with the charges, so that you can pay immediately. You can also reverse the charges or use your telephone credit card.
Helping with Household Tasks
In most families, men, women, and children share household duties. Many married women work outside the home and Americans rarely employ servants. You may want to assist with the household tasks when you are present in a home, especially for an overnight or weekend visit."